Friday, March 29, 2019

#9 Everything is so confusing

    I don't think that I really belong in this modern world. I find so many things totally confusing. I bought a Letscom® Fitness Tracker. Figured out how to charge it. All of the rest of the instructions seem to assume that I have prior knowledge about how things electronic work. All I want is to keep track of my heart health, know how much I walk at work and monitor any other indications about how healthy I am. There's a sleep monitor, distance (?) , heart rate and pedometer on it. Then I'm supposed to download an app to my cell. I can barely answer the miserable thing! I can't get it to stop blaring commercials about apps for all sorts of things and startling me with the loudness but if I turn down the volume then I can't hear when someone calls me. 

    My Lenovo® PC is lovely, I just don't understand stuff that apparently most people know about. System Updates is easy - just say yes, updates are good. Hardware settings, Security Adviser Blah Blah This and That. Windows has security, Lenovo has security and AVG virus protection - they all want my input. My input is to raise both arms above my head and run screaming out of the room!

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch ... I need to set up an exercise regime to keep track of my circulation and stuff so that diabetes doesn't cause me to lose my toes and/or feet. The holier than thou podiatrist that I saw last month says that the circulation in my feet was not up to par and recommend special shoes. He wasn't interested in anything my daughter-in-law and I had to say about foot pain that I was having, just wanted me to get special orthopedic shoes from a company that he recommended. My fear about foot neuropathy was not addressed. See him in a year.

    Between the "smart" phone and the fitness tracker and the internet - I feel like a 3rd class idiot who's wandering around clueless,

Later ... need Excedrin®  .... I make sale signs at work and MUST remember to put the ® where required! 

Saturday, March 16, 2019

#8 Clumsy Me

    My daughter - in - law picked me up at work Thursday. I was standing on the slightly raised sidewalk in front of work so was about 3-4 inches above the road. I reached opened the door, fell off the sidewalk and banged my head on the corner of the car door. About 1 inch above my eye. Blood every where! Head wounds bleed copiously. The bleeding stopped after maybe 5 or 6 minutes but my head still hurts today.  Just a dull throb, unless I touch it. I irrigated it and closed it with a butterfly bandage at the time and went to work with the butterfly bandage flying above my eye. 

    I look a little like I was in a brawl but took of the bandage when I washed up this morning.Still puffy and tender but seems to be holding together.

  Been posting on FB about 21 March being Down Syndrome Day. I don't know why but Down Syndrome has always tugged on my heart strings more than any other disease. 

    Going to the farmers' market today. Fresh veggies! I hope that my daughter in law makes a hot salad with some of them. Oh!!! I ordered a fitness tracker (not a fitbit because they're too expensive since I'm not sure if I'll keep up with exercising) I want/to be able to move more easily and also need to strengthen my circulation  or something like that because I don't want to lose my toes to diabetes.


Sunday, March 3, 2019

New desktop with BIG screen

    Also have a new bill but this is how I pay bills and the laptop was dying. I decided to get the desktop because I never took my laptop anywhere anyway, no point in it. Plus - this screen is huge!
21.5 inch screen  !!!  Haven't quite got the brightness right but sat here squinting at the bright screen long enough to get a headache before it dawned on me what the problem was!

    Since I had windows on my laptop, when I switched on this Lenovo  and signed in - my Dvorak keyboard was all set up!  Ooh - just switched on "nightlight" mode - my eyes are happy!!

    Apparently my astigmatism isn't fond of super bright light. Apparently it doesn't take much  to amuse me. Tomorrow is fun times - no work because I have to go to the podiatrist to make sure my diabetic toes are okay and then it's time for to go for my bone density stuff - imaging I think or some such stuff. Crummy way to spend a day off.

    I just finished The Hundredth Queen and have downloaded The Fire Queen. My brother recommended the series a while back. It's quite good. I've gotten fed up with some of my favorite authors because they've been putting in more sex than story. It's aggravating because they used to be very good story tellers. 

    Well, it's about time to roust the cat out of the computer box and get ready for bed ... aka - read


Saturday, February 23, 2019

#6 Been so Tired and Sad

    That's the trouble with depression. I feel exhausted all the time and so, so sad. People at work thank me for being patient while training them - I'm not patient, I'm too tired to get upset because it takes too much energy to sweat the small stuff.

    Maybe I should take more St. John's Wort - like on a regular schedule instead of in the middle of a crying jag. I just don't know what to do anymore : "Where am I going and why am I in this basket?"

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

#5 Siblings

    My brother called me tonight. No particular reason, just chatting. Friends call and say "What are you doing?" . My brother calls and says "What are you reading?". Doesn't seem like much but it's ... family. When you grow up with someone - you know them so much better than any friend. We read similar books and he knows that given a choice I will read rather than do anything else.

    Lately I've noticed that talking on the phone is difficult. I  think that my hearing may be going. I say "what?" an awful lot!! That touch of home made me feel so good. I seldom call someone myself - I don't like the phone much, probably because of the hearing thing. Growing up with 5 younger siblings, I never felt alone. Even when I'd be reading in the middle of chaos, there was that cozy feel all around me. It's like a nest. All of the other chicks are around you and maybe one will settle down for a cuddle before zooming off to play or another reader will settle down nearby.

    I'm probably romanticizing the growing years but .... I never felt alone. I don't recall any major arguments. Oops. I'm loosing the glow from the call and starting to slide back down into my wallow of being all alone.Maybe I should just grab my bear Finn and settle down with my book. Don't want to be in despair tonight. Finn is a teddy bear. This old lady decided to buy this cute Gund® bear to keep me company. Isn't he cute and he's a great cuddler.

    Guess I better get ready for bed. Work tomorrow. Later.


Friday, February 1, 2019

#4 I Ubered!

    I ubered today! That's a big deal for me. I couldn't call out sick because I am out of sick days but my daughter-in-law who usually picks me up after work is super sick. So I pulled on my big girl panties and started to "research" taxis & buses around here and then I remembered that one of the guys in receiving mentioned that he used Uber and that it is cheaper than taxis.Now, I'm still a novice with my smart phone (such a misnomer !) so I was practically quaking with nerves finding the Uber app and downloading & filling it out! 

    I talked with several people at work and got good reviews about the service and with no other means to get home ... I pushed the magic button! The driver was nice and not a gabby guy ๐Ÿ˜Š    I'm not a talker and don't really like small talk with strangers.

    All in all - it was a good experience and makes me feel proud of myself because it's a bit of independence. I've missed being independent. Not being able to drive because of my eyesight leaves me totally dependent on other people to get places. I hate it. However, now I feel like I have options.


Monday, January 14, 2019

#3 My Bear

    Silly title. Extremely depressed today. My husband was a big man, the whole broad shoulders 6'3" blond hair and blue eyed Nordic stereotype. He was ... a bear. Not a teddy bear more like a surly grizzly bear. At least "outsiders" thought that he was grouchy and all. I've got one of those throws that have been popular that has a bear on it. Days like today I wrap it around me like a shawl. It's kind of a hug from him. He was a great hugger. Pathetic isn't it?

    One of the most hurtful phrases that I've had said to me is "Find your own way home". When you have to depend on another person to drive you to and from work, especially when they are family and something comes up that is more important to them than you are and they say "You'll just have to find your own way home". That is so devastating. When they are the only reason that you are working and the only reason that you haven't sought a way to "go home" ....  I need my bear's hug. He promised to fight to live - he died.

    This game of life sucks.